Family Portrait
by natural-blue-26
Summary: Series of drabbles focused on Rachel and her family, pre-war to post 54. Prompts taken from Table 5 of 5sentencefics.
1. Chapter 1

**Prompt 2, Impulse**

_A/N: Rachel, Sara sister squish set later in the war._

**o**O**O**O**o**

"No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?" - Lee Iacocca

**o**O**O**O**o**

She watches quietly from the hallway as Sara reads from a storybook to a crowd of stuffed animals piled high in the bed around her, carefully sounding out the words- and then blatantly changing a few she was having trouble with.

The whole scene- the young girl cuddled among pillows, the teddy bears, the soft light coming from a frilly pink lampshade, the favorite story- was so domestic and tranquil and _before_ that Rachel couldn't make herself turn and keep walking to the emptiness of her own bedroom; the entire illusion of a simpler yesteryear called too strongly for her to resist tonight.

Sara paused in her story at Rachel's knock to smile up at her sister's silent question, before displacing a fair number of stuffed animals unceremoniously onto the floor and patting the freed space next to her. Rachel settled herself into the space, and wrapped her arm around Sara's shoulder in a partial hug.

Together two voices continued, "Chester and Wilson and Wilson and Chester, and that's the way it was."

**o**O**O**O**o**

_Referenced children's book is 'Chester's Way' by Kevin Henkes._


	2. Prompt 12, 'Change of Hands'

**Prompt 12, 'Change of Hands'**

_A/N: Jordan reflection post war, Rachel- focused. Side note: according to Wikipedia, these two were only two years apart in age, so Jordan was around Rachel's beginning of series age (give or take) at the end of the war._

**o**O**O**O**o**

_**An older sister is a friend and defender - a listener, conspirator, a counselor and a sharer of delights. And sorrows too. ~Pam Brown**_

**o**O**O**O**o**

In the pecking order of siblings (and their rivalry), Jordan had been 'always the bridesmaid, never the bride' to Rachel's triumphant lead; golden Rachel, who had always had the grades, the looks, the confidence, the answers- at least before the war had started taking her farther and farther away from their family, both physically and emotionally.

But now Rachel was gone, dead on an alien space ship in a war Jordan hadn't been exposed to enough to fully understand; suddenly she was the oldest child- the one who led, who did things first- and Jordan was utterly and completely unprepared for something she had *thought* she wanted her whole life.

In Rachel's permanent absence from family dinners, homework around the kitchen table, and the sidelines of sporting events, Jordan was now the only one for Sarah to look up to and emulate in the coming years. Jordan was the one who would have to play the example.

…All she wanted was to have Rachel _back_ and be the younger sister again.

**o**O**O**O**o**


	3. Prompt 4, 'Risk Management'

**Prompt 4, Risk Management**

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

~Elayne Boosler

**o**O**O**O**o**

The door slammed so hard it bounced back off the frame again before the lock was violently turned.

Rachel stomped across the once comforting space of her bedroom, now little more then a exceedingly temporary retreat from the harshness of reality (on the nights she could get any consistent sleep anymore between homework, gymnastics, and the war _and the blood and the screaming and the rush of the enemy dying under her claws_), and flung childishly herself facedown on the bed. She was tired, frustrated and her mind just wouldn't stay on _one_ thought at a time any more- and it terrified her how senselessly mad she had just gotten at Jordan over something _so stupid_ she once would have just laughed off.

She was fully aware of the length and breadth of the wall she was building between herself and her family, what with the physical distance from her father, the lies she constantly told her mother, and the rarity of time spent with either of her sisters anymore…

…But while they were watching the wrong fire burn, nobody would see her real issues through the smoke; so Rachel gladly distracted them with the all the external drama she could cause- it might be the only thing protecting them by the end.

**o**O**O**O**o**


	4. Prompt 8, 'Slow and Steady'

**Prompt 8, Slow and Steady**

"_Our siblings. They resemble us just enough to make all their differences confusing, and no matter what we choose to make of this, we are cast in relation to them our whole lives long."_ **~Susan Scarf Merrell**

**o**O**O**O**o**

If life was a race- and her sister had certainly sped through life like it was- Jordan wasn't exactly sure how it was won, because how do you win something everyone eventually loses to death, anyway?

If the aim was simply to get there first, what was the point of all the accomplishments Jordan had achieved? The things, people and experiences Rachel would never have- graduating high school, then college, grad school, a career, marriage, children; all accomplished gradually with extreme amounts of time, effort, lack of sleep, blood, sweat, and tears on her part- but still everyone only remembered her sister.

But maybe they didn't, she mused, as she watched her six-year-old daughter turn (again) and make sure Jordan was still watching as she painstakingly swung herself back and forth from one end of the monkey bars to the other. Maybe you didn't have to become everyone's hero quickly to "win," maybe you could just be one person's eventually- or maybe it wasn't ever about winning at all.

**o**O**O**O**o**

_A/N- Because I don't see Jordan angsting about Rachel forever- but she's not going to forget her, either._


	5. Prompt 10, 'Just Do It'

**Prompt 10, 'Just Do It'**

"_Love is pretty important. It's like a suit of armor. It makes you strong."_

–**Rachel, **_**The Visitor**_

**o**O**O**O**o**

While Jordan had personally never heard her older sister utter her now infamous catch phrase _they even put it on her memorial for God's sake_, she had certainly been regaled by Marco and Cassie about Rachel's exploits enough times that its legacy lived on in her own mind as well.

Beautiful, reckless Rachel who, according to accepted legend, had charged out of their lives and headfirst into the annals of history without so much as a backwards glance- although looking back, the later part was no doubt gross exaggeration; Jordan had seen the sad acceptance in Rachel's eyes the night she left them forever, she just hadn't know what it meant at the time.

As part of Jordan's campaign to be someone _other _than "tragic war hero" Rachel Hart-Benerson's kid sister, however, she never let anyone catch Rachel's words cross her lips, although Marco had jokingly tried to get her to enough times.

Now though- her car packed to the gills and about to embark from her mother's home on a cross country journey to the next stage of her life- she needed that extra boost of her sister's courage to make herself take the first step out the door.

"Let's do it," she whispered, and the wind chimes tinkled a friendly laugh _Rachel?_ in response.


	6. Prompt 19, 'Flat Line'

**Prompt 19, 'Flat Line'**

_A/N: 1/? of a set of post-war Naomi-centric drabbles. Follows 'Joy' sequentially in my__** For Everything There Is a Season**__ collection._

**o**O**O**O**o**

_"In the English language there are orphans and widows, but there is no word for the parent who loses a child."_

**-Jodi Picoult, **_**My Sister's Keeper**_

**o**O**O**O**o**

The metal door clicked softly closed, and a hushed stillness settled over the room like a wool blanket, heavy and smothering Naomi with its' invisible presence.

A faceless doctor _Naomi was too overwhelmed to remember his name, let alone what he looked like_ had described Rachel's wounds above the chest-high sheet as superficial, most likely caused by rough handling after death and had never caused Rachel any pain; what lay hidden from view below, however, the blandly kind physician had recommended Naomi not examine further.

She touched Rachel's bloody hair in a useless attempt to fix it- her daughter, never one to publicly allow her golden exterior to appear tarnished in any way, lay cold and visibly broken- for all the medical staff had attempted to tidy her body before allowing the family entrance. The utterly empty, stillness of a daughter who's vibrancy had dimmed in recent years, but never gone completely out, stole the breath from Naomi's lungs and the words she wanted to say _Rachel, baby, I love you, honey, wake up, don't do this_ from her lips.

Robbed of the ability to follow her mothering instincts and somehow _fix this_ Naomi instead leaned over and pressed her lips to Rachel's hairline as the first in a slew of many hot tears dropped onto her daughter's chilled corpse.


	7. Prompt 17, 'Writing on the Wall'

**Prompt 17, 'Writing on the Wall'**

_A/N: Follows 'Flat Line' indirectly- based on the theory HotPinkCoffee and I have discussed that it's not too unusual that two smart, career driven women with children of a like age might have known each other pre-series. Plus, who better to relate to postwar then someone who understands what you're going through at a personal level?_

**o**O**O**O**o**

_"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."_

**- Christopher Columbus.**

**o**O**O**O**o**

In the first hesitant quiet of the aftermath- after the government, the media, the family, the neighbors, the random strangers at the grocery store or the next pump over at the gas station (all of whom recognized her for her connection to her daughter thanks to the relentless barrage of the press) - Naomi took the night off.

She had dropped Jordan and Sara off with Dan's witch of a mother, and was now sitting in her ex-in-laws' driveway with her foot resting on the brake; Naomi wasn't completely sure she shouldn't just get out of the car and spend the lonely hours of the night watching her remaining daughters sleep _again_ instead, but her therapist had sternly informed her that she wasn't helping herself (or Jordan or Sarah) by doing that. Eva had coaxed her out for a drink in their old haunt from their younger, brighter, dream-filled and much less complicated years, but now with her hair done and makeup carefully applied in the unforgiving mirror _just when had her eyes gotten so empty or the circles under them so dark _Naomi wasn't quite ready to get back into her groove, so to speak.

On the empty car seat next to her, the call screen of her cell phone lit up and started ringing shrilly. Startled out of her indecision, Naomi flipped the phone open and held it to her ear.

"Naomi, she would want you to let go and do this," Eva admonished, and disconnected; Naomi took a deep breath and _released_.


	8. Prompt 24, 'Illusion of Control'

**Prompt 24, 'Illusion of Control'**

_A/N: Follows 'Writing on the Wall' based on the theory HotPinkCoffee and I have discussed that it's not too unusual that two smart, career driven women with children of a like age might have known each other pre-series. Plus, who better to relate to postwar then someone who understands what you're going through at a personal level?_

**o**O**O**O**o**

_"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."_

**- Albert Einstein**

**o**O**O**O**o**

The dimly lit bar looked exactly as it had nearly two decades ago, but the music crooning from the hidden speakers was unfamiliar and the young people crowded together in excited clusters were completely unfamiliar.

Two steps in the door, Naomi hesitated; just _what_ was she doing, she was far too old to be here, and far too much- both come and gone- separated her from the younger woman she had been the last time she stepped foot in this out of the way dive for her be here.

"Naomi, breathe, one step at a time- you can do this," Eva's familiar voice instructed her as a strong, tanned arm looped through her own left one and steered them _blessedly anonymously_ to their old corner booth; Eva perched on the leather seat, a decade older than the last time the two of them had last been there, but just as aggressively vivacious as she had once been in the muted light, before lifting a martini toward Naomi in silent toast.

"I was starting to think you were going to stand me up."

"I was starting to think I was going to, too."


	9. Prompt 9, Cold as Ice

**Prompt 9 - ****Cold as Ice**

_A/N: 2/4 of a set of post-war Naomi angst. Follows directly behind __**Flat Line**_

**o**O**O**O**o**

_She could've given me a sign_  
_And opened up my eyes_  
_How was I supposed to see_  
_She never cried in front of me_  
**She Never Cried In Front of Me**, Toby Keith

**o**O**O**O**o**

_****_The skin under Naomi's hand was cool, still, static; the animation that should being flowing through the veins and nerves preternaturally stilled.

Three days later, and while her daughter's death had sunk in intellectually, Naomi found herself still unable to accept the finality of the fact when not actually in the room with Rachel. The pristine cleanliness of her daughter's body was in stark contrast to the bloody mess she had been when Naomi has first seen her after Rachel's final battle; whoever had 'fixed' Rachel's body had obviously known what they were doing and had a penchant for detail.

If Rachel's skin hadn't been so pale or her lips tinged an unnatural color by death's kiss or the daughter that always slept on her side not positioned flat on her back with her washed hair arranged artfully around her face... She would still be dead, but it would be harder to believe than this empty shell that was washed of color as well as breath.


	10. Prompt 5, 'Point of View'

**Prompt 5 – ****Point of View**

_Playing __Cinderella__  
Riding her first bike  
Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight  
Running through the sprinkler with a big grin on her face  
Dancing with her dad, looking up at him_  
**Stealing Cinderella**, Chuck Wicks

**o**O**O**O**o**

_****_For Dan, Rachel was both daughter and companion in a plethora of joined hobbies, the first princess of his heart, the one who ran to him with her first gold-star studded report card in grade school, and the sum all the questions he never got to ask- let alone get answers to.

Naomi remembers her eldest as a newborn sleeping through the night for the first time who was suddenly (and far too soon) old enough to first run before she crawled, and then wore her familiar face as a mask when she was barely old enough to be called woman before she gave up her chance to legally ever be one.

To another, Rachel is the illusion she will always be chasing, two years older and a million twisted steps and turns ahead; some nights Jordan has nightmares that she will never again see anything else of her older sister but her turned back.

Sara remembers her in her absences the most years later; the succession of birthdays that go uncelebrated but are marked by tears and silence, the fourth chair at the kitchen table in the new house that is never filled, the hugs she wants after personal triumphs but there are no longer arms to give, and the beautifully carved headstone at the memorial that her sister doesn't rest under.

Rachel is perpetually with them, but only in how they choose to remember her.


	11. Prompt 14, 'RSVP'

**Prompt 14, RSVP**

_A/N: I love Dan (abandoned/forgotten characters get me every time) but I literally no practice writing him… So here goes nothing._

**o**O**O**O**o**

_Ninety-nine dreams I have had  
And every one a red balloon  
It's all over, and I'm standing pretty  
In the dust that was a city  
I could find a souvenir  
Just to prove the world was here  
Here it is, a red balloon  
I think of you and let it go_

_99 Red Balloons_, Goldfinger

**o**O**O**O**o**

Daniel clutched the letter- invitation, really- in his hand, the innocuously innocent text written in his sister-in-law's textbook perfect script drawing invisible, bloody trails across his heart.

His nephew was turning eighteen next month, and Jean wanted him- as one of the few family member Jake allowed near him, probably because Dan knew damn well not to treat his brother's only surviving son like a circus freak or a celebrity- to come _celebrate_ the occasion.

Legally Steve's youngest would now be old enough to vote, serve in his country's military (instead of repeatedly bleeding and nearly dying for it undercover), and attend _adult_ entertainment establishments; the irony that Jake had seen and done so much and still wouldn't be "allowed" to drink for three years is bitter and thick like guilt in Dan's mouth. It's also a damned shame Jake doubtless wouldn't be interested in the few options opened to him he hadn't already done- Steve had stared helplessly at his beer only a week ago and wondered aloud if his son would ever even _attempt_ to live the life a boy his age should be living again.

Rachel- _Rachel_ would have been eighteen forty-six days ago, and if she was here at the moment Dan figured she would have been at the front of the line teasing her cousin about being _old_, just like she had when he was five, eight, thirteen- so with his eldest's childish laughter echoing and skipping through his memories, Dan swallowed and picked up the phone to dial Jean's number.

**o**O**O**O**o**

_Sorry I haven't posted in forever- real life has eaten the last month of my life. I draft and then never have time to polish and post! _

_Reviews, critiques, and all general reactions are wonderful!_


	12. Prompt 15, 'Weighing Options'

**Prompt 15, Weighing Options**

**o**O**O**O**o**

We've come here with nothing  
And take it with us the day we leave  
The first and last breath don't matter  
It's all the ones that are in-between

_Happy Ending_, Sugarland

**o**O**O**O**o**

In the conclusion, that twilight of her existence she had _known_ was coming, Rachel did the one thing no one who knew or had fought beside her would have guessed.

She didn't fight.

Instead she had hugged her sisters a moment longer, listened to her mother a moment more, kissed Tobias harder, and wished she's had time to tell her father _anything_ the truth. Rachel spent her last night wanting to bury the hatchet with her childhood best friend before she didn't have the chance and to chase the current shadows from her cousin's eyes before the guilt he doubtless would feel would cloud them forever- hell, she even wanted to make sure Marco was as okay as he was so very good at pretending he was…

But she didn't fight leaving them behind to live- for her.

**o**O**O**O**o**

_Sorry I haven't posted in forever- real life has eaten the last month of my life. I draft and then never have time to polish and post! _

_Reviews, critiques, and all general reactions are wonderful!_


	13. Prompt 18, 'Achilles' Heel'

**Prompt 18, Achilles' Heel**

**o**O**O**O**o**

To live in hearts we leave behind  
Is not to die.  
**Thomas Campbell**

**o**O**O**O**o**

For everyone else she will passé on the street, today is one for celebration, her era's Fourth of July and Pearl Harbor rolled together; Jordan draws a bold, black X through the square on her wall calendar and refuses to even turn on the television in case some station as innocently reputed as the Weather Channel dares to remind her that today is the ten year anniversary of Rachel's death.

Sarah is off at her junior year of high school, their parents have both remarried other people Jordan calls _Lori_ and _Phil_ instead of _mom_ and _dad_, and Jordan herself should be elbow deep in dank, old criminal defense records, but she has yet to be able to make herself leave her tiny student apartment. The sister who taught her to rollerblade and steal brownie batter before their mom put it into the oven is the only person in the existence of the world who can bring their entire family to their knees just by saying her name, and she isn't even here to appreciate the power she still has over them.

**o**O**O**O**o**

Eventually, though, the noise of her neighbors quiets as they disperse for class, and she convinces herself- already two hours late for a study group that has no doubt long since dispersed- to lock up her apartment and exit the aging building.

The first girl Jordan passes on the rain-slicked street has long, blond hair and is laughing at the shy looking boy next to her; the stranger is beautiful in the downpour, unaffected by the elements- and Jordan hopes anyone who might have glanced her own way mistakes the startled tear on her cheek for rain.

**o**O**O**O**o**

_Sorry I haven't posted in forever- real life has eaten the last month of my life. I draft and then never have time to polish and post! _

_Reviews, critiques, and all general reactions are wonderful!_


	14. Prompt 21, 'Override'

**Prompt 21, Override**

**o**O**O**O**o**

"_Run like hell and get the agony over with."_  
**Clarence DeMar**

**o**O**O**O**o**

The trees whip past her in the weak morning light; the ground muffles her pounding footsteps to the mere cracks of twigs and leaves as they break like tiny bones under her feet as she dodges the foliage in her unbeaten path. She runs until she's no longer sure if she's running scared or running blind, running from or running to, because when she's moving she doesn't have to stop and _think_.

A hidden root snags her left foot; she falls to the ground and the rough forest floor catches _tears_ at her unprotected hands and knees while her lungs heave with exhaustion. Everything stops, and the truth she's been fleeing from collides with her; her already ragged breaths become sobs.

Rachel's memorial service is tomorrow, and Jordan isn't ready.

**o**O**O**O**o**

_Sorry I haven't posted much in forever- real life has eaten my time. I draft and then never have time to polish and post! I swear one day I'll write happy Jordan/sister squish again; this prompt just didn't want to be. ;)_

_Reviews, critiques, and all general reactions are wonderful!_


	15. Prompt 11, 'Hostile Intent'

#11 – Hostile Intent

**o**O**O**O**o**

"_A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you"_

**Margaret Atwood**

**o**O**O**O**o**

_A/N- More from my Naomi-angst stage- which I may jump back into know. Set during Rachel's funeral- and Naomi is NOT in the mood for platitudes. Reviews are greatly appreciated!_

**o**O**O**O**o**

Naomi wants to spit vile words at Jean and Steve after Rachel's memorial service has ended, angry that they have _dared_ to attend - - - but seeing them already occupied mourning their own dead child, her venomous words freeze in her throat and chill her rage from a hard boil to a mere simmer. Steve's hair is noticeably greyer since the last time Naomi has seen him, and Jean has lines around her eyes that weren't there a month ago; both of them are pale in the strong California sun.

Naomi finds she can't lay all the blame these people she once counted as family, as comforting as it would be to have a physical target for her anger _today_; after all, _they_ raised the child who sent her own to her death. For the first time in God knows how long, she momentarily misses her own ex-husband as Steve wraps his arm tighter around Jean's shoulders and they stand together as a unit- a joined pair of shared memories and suffering.


	16. Chapter 16

**#22 – Oasis**

**o**O**O**O**o**

"I've flown, way up in the sky with eagle wings. I've flown up there with Tobias. Way up in the clouds. If there's something better than that, I never found it."

–**Rachel, book 54 **_**The Beginning**_

**o**O**O**O**o**

Most teenage girls her age, she supposes, fantasize of getting away from it all at a high class spa on a tropical island or at a picturesque deserted beach with some upper-class stud from their biology class or whatever—and she can't knock either one of these because once upon a time her own silly dream escape was an endless shopping mall full of killer sales and an endless budget with which to set herself and her nearest and dearest for life; a vast majority of Cassie's wardrobe got torched at the beginning of this particular reverie every single time, which her best friend probably wouldn't have appreciated in reality quite as much as in the day dream.

This older, jaded, more sleep deprive version of herself knows a better heavenly escape route from reality than any sketched in her mind or giggled about under the covers at late night sleepovers, however—the clouds offer a freedom unrestricted by parents, homework, gravity or war. There's something about the push and pull between gravity and the warm California coast thermals that—much like the wet reverse in her dolphin morph—make it impossible to be completely unhappy this far above it all.

As Tobias wings by her on the left in an admittedly impressive feat of hawk aeronautics— showing off in that hesitant, eager way of his she would recognize anywhere— and Marco shoots up to just miss crossing Tobias's path on the right, Rachel reflects that this particular oasis is indefinitely better because it isn't just her's alone before diving after them both.

Hey monkey boy- tag, you're it!

**o**O**O**O**o**

I know it's been mocked to Z-Space and back, but there's a slight shout out to a rather adorable R/T moment from the _Animorphs_ television show here—kudos and internet cookies to anyone who sees it.


	17. Prompt 22, 'Oasis'

**#22 – Oasis**

**o**O**O**O**o**

"I've flown, way up in the sky with eagle wings. I've flown up there with Tobias. Way up in the clouds. If there's something better than that, I never found it."

–**Rachel, book 54 **_**The Beginning**_

**o**O**O**O**o**

Most teenage girls her age, she supposes, fantasize of getting away from it all at a high class spa on a tropical island or at a picturesque deserted beach with some upper-class stud from their biology class or whatever—and she can't knock either one of these because once upon a time her own silly dream escape was an endless shopping mall full of killer sales and an endless budget with which to set herself and her nearest and dearest for life; a vast majority of Cassie's wardrobe got torched at the beginning of this particular reverie every single time, which her best friend probably wouldn't have appreciated in reality quite as much as in the day dream.

This older, jaded, more sleep deprive version of herself knows a better heavenly escape route from reality than any sketched in her mind or giggled about under the covers at late night sleepovers, however—the clouds offer a freedom unrestricted by parents, homework, gravity or war. There's something about the push and pull between gravity and the warm California coast thermals that—much like the wet reverse in her dolphin morph—make it impossible to be completely unhappy this far above it all.

As Tobias wings by her on the left in an admittedly impressive feat of hawk aeronautics— showing off in that hesitant, eager way of his she would recognize anywhere— and Marco shoots up to just miss crossing Tobias's path on the right, Rachel reflects that this particular oasis is indefinitely better because it isn't just her's alone before diving after them both.

Hey monkey boy- tag, you're it!

**o**O**O**O**o**

I know it's been mocked to Z-Space and back, but there's a slight shout out to a rather adorable R/T moment from the _Animorphs_ television show here—kudos and internet cookies to anyone who sees it.


End file.
